I've been really struggling with self image lately. I have always been overweight. But I have always liked myself. I knew I was "fat" but I guess I just really didn't care. THEN some stuff was said. Isn't that always the case? So for the past year (almost) I have really been struggling with this. I try to lose weight, and it's just been a roller coaster. But what was even more up and down were my emotions. I'd hate myself one minute and not the next. I have been trying to be somebody for someone else...and I am failing. Most likely because my heart is not really in it.
I think the reason I have never really had issues with this before is because my identity has been in Christ. I have been losing sight of that, trying to make myself appealing to someone else. I DO realize that I need to eat healthier. And I wouldn't mind losing some weight. BUT my focus ALWAYS needs to be on Christ and who He has made me to be. He can use this fat lady...as is even. :) HE can make my husband attracted to ME as is. We don't need to invite some skinner version of me into our relationship, we need to invite HIM back in.
I just love how God gently reminds me of things I learned when I was 6. :) God created us to all be different...why do we strive so hard to be like everybody else. The other day I was on a walk and I haven't been able to shake an image from my head since then. I was walking along all kinds of trees. Short trees. Tall trees. Some the branched out near the beginning. Some that didn't branch out til the top. Some skinny. Some full. AND it is slowly starting to become Fall, so some were even starting to change colors. BUT not all of them were changing colors. They were all different. Can you image what it would have looked like had we lined up the same kind of trees, the same height and fullness and equally spaced apart. See, I think God knew something when he determined that creatures, plants and people would be different. He is very wise. :)
Different is good.
I will not strive to be so and so.
I will not even strive to be "better".
I will only strive to be closer to Christ and more like Him.
I will let Him mold me.
He is the expert after all.