Waiting

Christmas was hard for me this year, I still wanted to honor and celebrate my Lord, and spend time with my family, but it seemed like my heart wasn't in it.  Actually all of December was tough...I just felt so distant from everyone.  I think it was because the end of the year was coming and it was a time to reflect on 2011.  And I'll be honest, 2011 was a VERY hard year for me.  All of December I've been kinda throwing a pity party for myself.  I would still talk to God, and I wasn't mad at Him or anything, but my conversations would be more like "I know I am keeping you at a distance Lord, I'm sorry, I'm just having a hard time."  And he'd gently speak to my heart with words like "come to me" and "I can help."  And my response would be "I know Lord, I'm sorry, I think I just need to be alone right now...I'm just having a rough time."  And I felt like he was saying "ok.  I'm here when you need me."  It may sound bad, but it was actually kind of refreshing.  Even though I felt we were distant, I knew He was just waiting for me.  I knew He was still there for me.  And that was refreshing. 

But now is the time. 

I need to give up this "I'm just having a hard time right now."  And change my focus to God and what He wants for me.  I'm ready again.  I had "my time".  I'm over it. 

I need to wait on God.  He does not need to wait on me. 

But thank you Lord for doing just that!